Wedding Budgeter Gifts

"She's in a borrowed dress and I'm in a rented tux...throw money!"

"You may now kiss the bride..."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

What's wrong with the computer you've got?"

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

Boat wedding.

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

"...until death do you a favor."

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

'He does.'

"I can always tell when Philip is working on family finances. A 'cursor' appears on both sides of the computer screen."

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'I always cry at weddings!'

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

"You need to justify your own existence first."

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

Wedding disaster #27.

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'