Wealthy Wit T-Shirts

"I had a low birth weight but a high birthright."

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'You raised the price of air to 50c!' 'Inflation.'

Cambridge dons eat a banquet outside to prove they only get one chicken each.

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

Professor Ernie's history of philosophy. Rene Descartes had a difficult childhood. I think, therefore I am! I know you are, but what am I?!

'I feel I owe a lot to my country.' - 'So, you haven't paid your income tax again.'

" ... and this is my wife - I'm legally obligated to tell you that."

'I need to buy some gas, but I forgot my wallet. Do you have $18,000 on you?'

"Where do you get your inspiration?"

'What can we do to reduce our spending?'

"When you take the oath don't worry. There's a lightning rod on the roof."

"Hi...Marvin Ramage - composer/ arranger/ musician author and rich."

G.K. Chesterton.

Greece Idyll

"What keeps me going? The tightening feeling in my chest that if I stop, I'll die."

Can we see our way clear to doing something about air pollution?

Looking Daggers

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

"Our founder was a real joker. That's the first silver dollar he ever glued to the floor."

Exercise and diet at the same time - open and close your refrigerator door 100 times.

"Philip Larkin wouldn't like you, either."

The hardest instrument to play second fiddle.

Penny for your lack of thoughts.

'I should warn you - all our 'non-loaded' funds are alcohol free.'

"They call the dollar stable and you know what's in the stable."

'You give me flintstones. If great light climbs up sky again tomorrow, I keep stones. If great light don't climb up sky, you lose stones.'

"Gee, I just love the British dry sense of humor!"

"As you know, Ed, my pockets are considerably deeper than yours. Therefore, in addition to my share I'll be needing a percentage of yours."

'You're smarter than you look? -- well, I should HOPE so!'

"Do you realize that they pay our teacher to come to school every day and we do it for free?"

'...and finally I'd just like to thank my plastic surgeon for giving me these puppies.'

"Yeah, we thought about having kids, but we didn't want to give up our lifestyle."

'I want to make just enough money so everyone will hate me.'