Wealthy Parents Pillows

"It was awful – we got stuck sitting next to our kids the whole flight."

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

"He just said his first word!"

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

Yummy Mummy

'One day this will all be yours.'

"Remember, Kimberly, I'm more than your agent. I'm your mother."

'My mom won't let me play 'Merchants of Mayhem.' I tried, but she's a game changer.'

"Look what I found in the garage! My old music speakers!"

'We'd like to christen him 2GR4T7VXS35. That way it'll be easier for him to get his own web domain name when he's older.'

Big book of memes

'One small tooth for me...one giant worry for you.'

"Have you noticed the kids never ask us anything since they learned to google?"

"We put you through day-care. You're on your own now."

"Edgar, don't you think it's time you donated a wing somewhere?"

"Papi, do we have enough net financial assets to meet essential living expenses for nine months if our source of income disappears?"

"We're looking for a pediatrician who reflects our design sensibility."

"Don't get me wrong, I love my mistress, but there are 27 of us, so I like to get away now and then to get some privacy..."

"Aw, his first mobile..."

"My parents are the same way. Lots of ostentatious child-rearing, very little direct nurturing."

"Baby FOMO."

"Isn't there a TED Talk he can listen to about the birds and the bees?"

'Where do you plug it in?'

"I've got what it takes to take what you've got."

'Someday, son - provided we both get lucky - all this will belong to you and my trophy wife.'

Baby buying shares

'Your mother and I feel it's important to let kids be kids. Can we leave that with you?'

Visit Santa

"We don't believe in pressuring the children. When the time is right, they'll choose the appropriate gender."

"Mom, if this is putting a strain on our finances, I could take a year off."

"You'd tell me if I was genetically modified?"

'Hi, we're Tommy Canters parents. . . you might recognise us from his drawings of us??'

'Once they're born they immediately begin to depreciate.'