Wealthy Parents Pillows

"It was awful – we got stuck sitting next to our kids the whole flight."

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

"He just said his first word!"

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

'One day this will all be yours.'

Yummy Mummy

"Remember, Kimberly, I'm more than your agent. I'm your mother."

"Look what I found in the garage! My old music speakers!"

'We'd like to christen him 2GR4T7VXS35. That way it'll be easier for him to get his own web domain name when he's older.'

Big book of memes

"They grow up so fast. From Mother Goose to Google."

'My mom won't let me play 'Merchants of Mayhem.' I tried, but she's a game changer.'

'One small tooth for me...one giant worry for you.'

"Have you noticed the kids never ask us anything since they learned to google?"

"We put you through day-care. You're on your own now."

"Edgar, don't you think it's time you donated a wing somewhere?"

"Don't get me wrong, I love my mistress, but there are 27 of us, so I like to get away now and then to get some privacy..."

"Papi, do we have enough net financial assets to meet essential living expenses for nine months if our source of income disappears?"

"Aw, his first mobile..."

"We're looking for a pediatrician who reflects our design sensibility."

"My parents are the same way. Lots of ostentatious child-rearing, very little direct nurturing."

"Baby FOMO."

"Isn't there a TED Talk he can listen to about the birds and the bees?"

'Where do you plug it in?'

'Someday, son - provided we both get lucky - all this will belong to you and my trophy wife.'

Baby buying shares

"I've got what it takes to take what you've got."

'Your mother and I feel it's important to let kids be kids. Can we leave that with you?'

Young man, what have I told you about texting during family dinnertime?

Visit Santa

"We don't believe in pressuring the children. When the time is right, they'll choose the appropriate gender."

"Mom, if this is putting a strain on our finances, I could take a year off."

"You'd tell me if I was genetically modified?"

'Hi, we're Tommy Canters parents. . . you might recognise us from his drawings of us??'