Watery Wit-seekers Pillows

"Be honest – is my pouch starting to sag?"

Czarcasm

"This might surprise you, but not everyone finds the smell of a rain-soaked world invigorating."

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'Throw me back and I'll tell you where a 12-pounder is hiding.'

Generic Store: Sign in Window

'I don't like to brag, but I'm the guy who coined the phrase, 'Honey, I'm Home'.'

Graph to find your IQ

Punch Drunk

Airport

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

"Sure. I know of a haystack on the edge of town where you'll be safe until the heat dies down."

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

Thanks for the worm, but I almost got this stupid hook stuck in my mouth.'

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

"You think you're pretty holy, huh!"

Witty Remarks You Can Never Remember To Say During The Meeting.

'And you dolls are the only friends I need to keep me... hey, where are you going?'

Boarding House

Broad Minded

Odd Angles, a monthly strip on coarse angling

"Does my brain look big in this?"

Law office sign: "Defending the citizen's entitlement to folly since 1935"

"It's nice to know I've still got it."

"I. . . hate . . . bath day."

Bored Room

"Have you tried jet skiing? - I've never seen an unhappy jet skier."

Square Yard

He wouldn't be up there is he had just kept his mouth shut.

"Ooooohhh, now that's what I call a piercing."

How Human Nature Works: 'Ok...Now I'm worried.'

"My advice, don't marry for money. You can borrow it for 3.5%."

'I like my women like I like my light bulbs; dim, cheap & easily replaced.'

Fair Cop

Purified Water. Look at these prices! Distilled waters run steep!