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Trial by Media

I love Lawyers

"Bailiff."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"You can't plead cute."

"Mr. McMurdo has been called 'guilty as the day is long.' And yet, do not biblical scholars tell us a day can mean many things?"

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'He started it!'

"That settles it. I'm moving for a retrial."

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

"Let me tell you, folks—I've been around long enough to develop an instinct for these things, and my client is innocent or I'm very much mistaken."

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

'Oh, objection, objection, objection - what is it this time, Counselor?'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

Counsel's Opinion.

"This jury may not be swayed by any defense that relies on emotion."

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

Two lawyers in a royal court

'Well, son, the justice system depends on finding 12 people who are smart and impartial enough to judge the accused intelligently without malice or favor.'

'Great. Another trainee lawyer.'

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."