Watching Infomercials Pillows

'Stop watching all those rags to riches infomercials. You've caught the investment bug.'

"I got an 'A' - and all my research was from infomercials."

". . . yes, sir, folks . . . and furthermore, folks . . . for real quality, folks . . . yes, sir, folks . . ."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"Who is the fairest of them all? Well, Madame, the answer comes right after this commercial break! Stay tuned!!"

'I'm a voice over artist.'

'Of course he's an actor. When was the last time you saw a kid enjoy something that was good for him?'

Where Are They Now?

Stephen Harper on the attack ads.

"Play it like, sure, the world sees you as just a hamburger, but you know there's so much more to you than that."

And if it's successful, we'll do an infomercial.

Before we begin tonight's dream, a word from our sponsor...

"But wait, there's more."

'I love it, the chief loves it. The client loves it but the Gods don't love it.'

'Hey! -- that Maytag repairman is an impostor!'

"Has this ever happened to you? Well, with our Medical Emergency Distress System..."

"We used to think sugar and spice were all things nice - until that was proved to be a lie put out by global food manufacturers."

"Get another cab, Dad. This one is creepin' me out."

'...But the good news is TV ads have been promoting the idea that money isn't everything.'

'Okay, I'll do one more dog food commercial, but I don't want to get typecast.'

'So you got the endorsement contract?'

"... starts Friday at a theatre near you."

"If elected, I'll institute an AMAZING CRASH PROGRAM that in JUST 24 HOURS will trim ugly fat and waste from government and literally turn it into SUPER SERVICES for you the AMERICAN PEOPLE by utilizing a NATURAL MECHANISM so powerful that when unleashed

"You know that drug commercial where everyone is laughing and running around with friends and dogs enjoying the beautiful day? What are they on?"

"Play the old Winston jingle."

'Act now and you'll get this slicerdicer absolutely free! But wait, that's not all...'

'Are your game broadcasts interrupted by screaming TV pitch men...'

“Act now—the first fifty callers receive a presidential pardon.”

'I'm using my eyes, how are you looking at it?'

"Mom, I love infomercials...there are no commercials!"

"I'll give you a hint - it's sold only on TV."

Joe experiences a profound, life-changing moment of clarity, but it simply can't compete with the cool informercial he was watching at the time.

'That was the longest infomercial I've ever seen.'