Watching Contests Gifts

"When you said you were going to look at the figures I didn't know you were going to watch a bikini contest."

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

The First Annual Game Show Week.

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

"What's the best way to break up a marriage?"

'The employee who guesses closest to the correct number of beans in this jar will be awarded this year's annual pay increase! -Management, ATOZ Accountants

'Rhea of the Year.'

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

'We did it, Dad! We won the heaviest frog award!'

'The contest brought in only twenty two wrappers...'

Annual Lump Festival Competition:'I don't know if I can give an award, they're all so fantastic..'

"But that's the beauty of the game. At this very moment, your absurd vicarious defeat is being perfectly counterbalanced by some opposing fan's absurd vicarious triumph."

Man reading letter, 'You may already be a winner' about to step on rake.

Dancing with the Star Wars

No soliciting - unless you're one of those sweepstakes

"Lying, fighting, bickering, stupidity and attacks. These people are nuts! . . . This is the presidential campaign."

The Apprentice

'He's tiring? What happened to round four 'he's ready to go!'?'

'You're excited about winning a traveling toothbrush kit in a sweepstakes after spending $300 on postage and entering 1,500 contests?'

America's Next Top Baby

"He's bracing himself for disappointment."

'You are the unwisest man...goodbye.'

Final Round of Biggest Snoozer.

Angel Wins Publisher's Clearing House

'1000 pies to eat before you die.'

"It will be dangerous to go 'cold turkey'. We need to wean her off with replays..."

"An own-goal and a rebound penalty, huh!"

'The bad news is I got caught in the rain. The good news is that I won a Wet Tee-Shirt Contest.'

"It blew a gasket during a particularly heated exchange on William Buckley's 'Firing Line.'"

"Yes! I love having staring contests with you!!"