Warrior Of Wit T-Shirts

'If the world conquest thing doesn't work out, my fall-back plan is business school.'

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

'The new lad's collecting shells again boss.'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Miss America IQ Pageant

Soldier armed with a pen.

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

"I wish we were just called T-Rex..."

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"Ain't isn't a word, and you know it."

"I had a low birth weight but a high birthright."

'Coleridge'

"How the heck could you forget your sword?"

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"Looting and plundering! Looting and plundering! There must be more to life!...."

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

Professor Ernie's history of philosophy. Rene Descartes had a difficult childhood. I think, therefore I am! I know you are, but what am I?!

'All this knowledge going into my head, through my eyes and out the window to float forever in space.'

'Psychoanalysis is passé. I suggest we ask for asylum in France.'

"You make a great point."

" ... and this is my wife - I'm legally obligated to tell you that."

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

'Always the wise guy.'

"If you could have a dinner conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

Conference Room. I don't have the heart to tell him it wasn't a compliment when the boss said "in every brainstorming session Ernie is a ray of sunshine."

I'm Aging Gracefully...so SHUT UP!!!

Science vs. Literature, an Eternal Battle.

Frank and Ernest's Cerebral Questions. Today's question is would an "elbowhead" be smarter or dumber than a "knucklehead"? (Published originally on October 12, 2015.)