Warranties Prints

'I could pop the hood to take a look, but that would break the manufacturer's seal and void your warranty.'

"Oh, great, the warranty is up."

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

"I don't think those are authentic, either, bud."

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

"Can you believe he was the last dog at the shelter?"

"Look on the GPS to see if there's any wormholes through time and space."

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

George is pleased with himself. He replaced the toilet seat without calling a plumber.

'I'll take the one on the right.'

"And when the extended warranty kicks in, we send you a big can of new car smell."

"They were all out of rings, so I got you a watch."

'Your husband started without me, didn't he?'

'I think I found the problem.'

'This is Osgood, our most essential man -- he thinks up new ways to limit warranties!'

-A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

'Any day now I'll fix the roof.'

"Here’s your problem. This isn’t a ‘Franklin’ stove, it’s a ‘Voltaire.’"

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

"Remedial Karate"

"I'm not very scary now, but I will be if I don't get candy."

"You could be just the man we're looking for!"

New Watchdog.

Genius Bar

"OK, let's see. For starters, the guarantee only covers the muffler."

"I don't know about you Mavis but I'm Mullered."

'No. I haven't always been a lawyer.'

"Unfortunately, our user-friendly toaster is warranty-unfriendly!"

'As you can see, it's a bit of an emergency.'

"You should have purchased the extended warranty."

'No, I haven't taken up jogging...A velociprator was after me!'

TV Repair 101.

'Price at the pumps.' 'Glass of wine then?'