Warm-hearted Diplomats Gifts

Spread Love

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

UBLIC RELATIONS IN CASE OF EMERGENCY BREAK GLASS

"Don't let him get to you. I'm sure there are lots of people you didn't invite."

Twice a year, Uncle Mort and Sadie Cohen have an official relationship talk. While this biannual conversation is scheduled by mutual consent under long-standing treaty, some participants engage grudgingly. Let's talk about our feelings. I don't feel like it. That's not a feeling, Snookums! Loophole!

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

Landing That Tough Account

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

"She called me immature, And if that wasn't bad enough, she burst my bouncy castle."

'Stop mumbling, George! We all had to start somewhere...'

It had taken nine months, but Jim was finally ready to go back into his boss's office and claim his raise.

"If it gets tense in here I might need you to step up and BS-calate things."

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

"Sign the contract first kid, then you get the sweets!"

'I think you got the drummer - Now try for the trumpet player!'

Uncle Sam argues about pollution with China.

Permission to get to first base denied.

Just Married

Cat thrusts note through mousehole that reads 'Can't we talk about this?'

'We're so downsized, we have to outsource our office gossip.'

'What - are you deaf? He said, ‘I do.' Let's move it along.'

"I hope these reviews don't make you nervous."

The Treaty Of West 81st Street

'I'm afraid the only answer is a two-state solution.'

It's time again for my 'State-of-the-family' address.

"What 'Do-not-knock' list?"

"I finally got them to agree, in principle, to disagree."

"I wonder if I should ask him to play."

"I'm not saying he's perfect. I'm just saying deal with it."

"Really, Dear. Wouldn't it be better just to return the tools you borrowed from him?"

"Where did I learn my aggressive door-to-door sales technique? The School of Hard Knocks."

"Hey! Turn down your damn white-noise machine!"

"Honey, do these jeans make me look fat?"

'Normally, a little conflict like this would be easy to resolve.'