Warehouse Staff Gifts

"Fifty quid for a high visibility jacket? Why, that's day-glo robbery."

"And this, gentlemen, is what one of our typical American workers looks before he gets fired!"

"I'm not sure they fully understand the concept of annual stocktaking."

Staff Only

"I can't get these new codes straight!"

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Multi-tasking.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

Busy office.

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Optical Illusion Supply Company.

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

Why do you need so many computers?

The role of administration.

Brainstorm in progress.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

'Brains...brains...brains...'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

Sales.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'Stevens, get in here. I need a few minutes with the left side of your brain.'

Around here it got a little tricky...

"I'm glad you felt able to get that off your chest...now could we discuss next year's targets?"