Warden Pillows

"Number 6522719? Our executive assistant warden says he's sorry but he's been unavoidably detained at the squash court. However, if you will leave your criminal record he'll be happy to reschedule for next week."

"I wish you'd get into the spirit of this thing, Brewster!"

'You poached the rabbit in white wine, and poaching's a $250 dollar fine.'

'What makes you think he's getting special treatment?'

"Not going anywhere nice for the summer, Sir?"

"I need backup on 'D' Wing — they've built another den!"

'I shall miss our little chats.'

"You look worn out-let me take him walkies."

'The warden is just trying to humanize capital punishment.'

'This is the final step in Behavior Modification Therapy!'

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

'But it's so hard to make it out there, Warden, and many young people are moving back home.'

Music Will Set You Free

'Here at Alma State Prison, we don't tell the inmates to have a nice day.'

Supervisor holds the prison ball on a prosoner's wedding

'Did you eat at the lodge tonight?'

'Get busy, Yomp! The warden's cat had kittens, and they need that sandbox now!'

'He wants his own cage.'

'His names escapes me but I've got his number.'

"So unless one of you confesses, you'll all lose your privileges."

"Congratulations. You earned time off for bad behavior."

"These are the computers the new warden had put in for the inmates, Governor, they love it. Of course we had to remove all of the escape keys!"

"Yes, they are proud of me. I'm the first person in the family to get time off for good behavior."

"You bludgeoned your cell mate during chapel services, Rhineschreiber! Shame on you!"

"Can I get that to go?"

"I'd like to talk to the warden about rescheduling my debt to society."

Chicken visiting hours

"The commissary calls it instant coffee. Hey warden, you call this garbage "coffee"? "It was, for an instant.""

'Bad dog.'

Dating the Warden

"Escape Thursday? But that's Bar-B-Qued pork night!"

'I warned you about our boiling oil shortage!'

'I said there is a F-I-L-E in the C-A-K-E!'

'Ok - who ordered the taxi?'

''Willie the Wizard' gets out next week -- get ready to change all the locks.'