War Zone Sportsman Pillows

'I'm always happy to be taking incoming fire with no available support. . . as long as I know the table tennis tournament will be well protected.'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'Well, I got a hunting license and a fishing license and by golly I'm going to use them.'

"This round, forget the finesse. Hit him."

"Buy him a pint and he'll tell you about the blitz, buy him three and he'll re-enact it"

"The British are coming. Just sayin'."

"I still thinking he's putting something unidentified on the ball."

"And that one shows my frequent flier miles."

"The Chilcot inquiry? No, this is the inquiry into what happened to the Chilcot inquiry."

Clearing up medals.

Mr Punch's Design for A Statue to Miss Nightingale

'My doctor tells me I have medal poisoning.'

Safety last.

Remembering All The American Idols.

George Smith Patton

'Now, I want you to get back out there and beg him for mercy!'

And I got an honorary Purple Heart for sticking myself with one of my flag pins.

'That one's for being a very brave boy!'

'This one is for not stirring up global tensions with anything I say in TV interviews.'

Nancy Wake -French resistance fighter WW11

"How was your day, dear?"

Brads a Peloponnesian War renactor.

"Well, yeah, Doc, I twisted my back a little...but it was the longest golf shot I've ever made!"

"You'll get a lot of head injuries but, on the plus side, you won't remember any of them."

"This is a much better war then the war to end all wars."

"You could say I'm a war veteran. I'm a retired junior high teacher."

The True Reason of War. A Little Frontier Incident in Alsace, July 1914.

For service to services...

World War II - Stalag 541 escape club reunion annual dinner.

'You're going to have to find a way of avoiding those fast serves!'

'The swelling well receed in a few days and the racket should slide right off.'

'Hi Hun.'