Wannabe Mvp Pillows

'The 'most improved player of the year award' or the 'you don't suck as much as you did last year award' goes to...'

'Do you think he's ready for the big round-up?'

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

"Remember, kids, it's not winning that matters, it's getting a clean urine sample that's important."

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

Zorro as a child.

'Billy! Set your homework aside and get down here. There's another basketball recruiter here to see you.'

"Next, I'd like to play 'Guantanamera.'"

'My long-range goal is to turn pro and lead the league in product endorsements.'

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

"We won again, and guess what? A Russian oligarch wants to buy us!"

As Seen On TV

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

'No, Billy, their first baseman is messing with your head. You won't go to hell for stealing second.'

House building chart (like steps).

Bear watching a man trying to fish bear style.

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

Before and After Tattoos.

'Next time up, I'm calling my shot: I'm pointing to the catcher's mitt.'

'Something tells me he's going to be a basketball player.'

'...If you really loved me, you'd transfer me to a preschool with a winning team.'

A young boy shaving

'Thank you. Do you mind if I spray it about like they do on tv?'

"Well, if we're playing tackle football I'll be the coach!"

'But look, Sire -- a whole lot of people have you down as their fifth choice!'

'Never, Ever...try to imitate LeBron James on the basketball court.'

"Carry yourself like everyone knows you, ad everyone you meet will feel like they should know you."

"We're only here summers, but Roger likes to be taken for a local."

'It's not my fault that baseballs are juiced these days!'