Wannabe Local T-Shirts

"We're only here summers, but Roger likes to be taken for a local."

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

New Guy.

Zorro as a child.

"Next, I'd like to play 'Guantanamera.'"

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

'The 'most improved player of the year award' or the 'you don't suck as much as you did last year award' goes to...'

As Seen On TV

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

Parenting Academy...I failed insemination.

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

Your Palm

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

'I'm sorry Mrs Jones, but according to these results your womb is extremely inhospitable, and your husband's sperm is gay.'

The Don't-Quit-Your-Day-Job Comedic Revue

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

Trying to thumb his nose at authority, Lumpy stuck his thumb in his eye! Man covering eye with his hand.

A young boy shaving

In-law country

Dave's new nail gun revived the childhood ambitions he'd had before realizing that he could earn more as a carpenter than as a hero.

'Be reasonable, son - even Santa couldn't get a horse into a box THAT size!'

What he really hoped to be someday was a TV news anchor.

"Well, if we're playing tackle football I'll be the coach!"

'But look, Sire -- a whole lot of people have you down as their fifth choice!'

'Never, Ever...try to imitate LeBron James on the basketball court.'

"Carry yourself like everyone knows you, ad everyone you meet will feel like they should know you."

'I'm not getting any hits!' 'Bloggers can't be choosers.'

"From now on let's do our drawings inside the cave."

Home Station. Ernie thought he was going to be a big movie star. What that didn't happen, he got a job here at the household goods store. How his favorite event of the year is this springtime parking lot sale where all of the warm weather items are brought out. There are variable-speed models, ones that are energy efficient. He gets to put on his sunglasses and and say ... As you can see, I have a huge number of fans!

"I've got a part in a soap."

"I can try all I want, but there's no way I look smooth on this bike!"

"I can grant you three fishes."