Voucher Collectors Pillows

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

Thank you bubbles

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

'It seats two comfortably.'

'Ignore it! It's just some of the local kids trying to get in for free.'

"Just toot my horn and I'll be there."

"Blast, you've cleaned me out again!" Grey squirrels out competing red squirrel for food.

"Number 2. Step forward please."

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

Philosopher trading cards.

The Card Flinger

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

Ticket - At the Theatre in the Hay Market - The Authors Benefit Pasquin.

Unusual Offers

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Teddy Bears Picnic - Tickets on sale here.

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

Hottest Tix in TownSpecial Mets promotion dates

'Howard can't come to the phone now. He's standing by for a major concert announcement.'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'Hi, I'm looking for something small and portable!'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"I wonder what this was for."

'I'm a football referee - I'll have a box of red and a box of yellow.'

Card shark

"You get one every time you order something online."

Red Card - Gold Card.