Volunteer Coordinator Gifts

'We can offer Volunteers a range of experiences including exhaustion, emotional overload, lack of support and stark terror.'

Volunteers.

'We need immigrants to do volunteer work like removing graffiti.'

'So then I thought, what's the idea job for a gentleman with my years of experience, wisdom and a desire to help others.'

'No, you don't get paid, but you don't pay us either!'

'We look for someone willing to work for a higher sense of purpose since we can't offer money.'

'I majored in ethics. Several recruiters talked to me. They'd like me to do volunteer work.'

STRIP *Community Care * Skilled volunteer

'I want to give back to my community by helping others. Aren't lottery winners a particularly sad and needy group?'

The Voluntary Sector takes a beating

"It's a big society idea...we were going to recruit a volunteer committee to recruit a volunteer, volunteer support worker to get volunteers to volunteer to fill in gaps in the service."

'We looked at a variety of options for allocating money to the Voluntary Agency...and letting them fight it out was by FAR the cheapest...'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fund raiser."

Beach clean-up

"You're work might be free, but based on the quality, it's not pro bono."

"Hello, Voter Calls department? Have I got a volunteer for you ... !"

We have an all volunteer workforce, and we're still losing money!

'Loosing your job managing the community centre was obviously a blow...but luckily we have come up with a volunteering opportunity for you...'

'It's good that you enjoy volunteerism. This job pays just about nothing.'

"So nice of you to offer to display our posters" "I didn't. My pastor made me"

More people working in Voluntary sector than 2010.

'Losing your job managing the community centre was obviously a blow...but luckily we have come up with a volunteering opportunity for you...running your local community centre.'

'There's plenty of scope for cuts in the voluntary sector...you just have to follow our example and cut out the fat.'

Charity Shop Income on Rise

"Seems like all of Nancy’s nonprofit work is going to her head."

"We try to treat volunteers like regular members of staff, impossible workloads and no resources."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

vaccine wars.

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'