Voicemail Avoider Pillows

'I didn't get your message because I'm letting my voice mailbox fill up.'

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

'I could text you...I can fax you...I can email you...I could ring you...Lunch?...I can't make it.'

Even though I'm on the do-not-call-list telemarketers manage to ruin my hibernation again.

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

A caveman sleeps with a club labelled 'Snooze' whilst a beaten looking rooster stands by.

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

'This is a prerecorded message. Thank you for rubbing me. Please state your name and your wish. I will get back to you as soon as possible.'

'I hope you don't want to leave a message - he hates messages.'

Hiding From Social Media

'Never fails,,, The second we sit down for dinner,'

'A real person's answered it. I hate that. I'll call back when their voicemail's activated.'

It's new from British Telecom, a telephone ignoring machine.

"I only wish this was the final notice."

"It's just if the TV isn't on I never know where to look."

"You just watch him Ethel. He'll sit there and say nothing, just to annoy me."

'At the sound of the tone, please leave a message.. unless you're trying to sell me something.'

"How many times do I have to tell, you, don't call me at work!"

"No, I'm not interested in a free ski weekend. Please take me off your call list."

'Click! I'm out right now.'

The early bird goes back to sleep.

"Don't pretend it's a pet, you're just too mean to buy an alarm clock!"

"Oh, no! People are coming to sit near us! Put up the banner!"

Stuck in the Conversation Pit of Hell.

'Oh - you're there! I was hoping I could just leave a message.'

"This is the voicemail of Michel Barnier.For angry drunk ranting, press 1. For separate, weepy pleading, press 2. To just sorta breathe heavily into the phone for an extended period, press 3."

Right now, he's in his man cave.'

'Oh, Hi, Fred!...I was just thinking about you'

'I didn't get the memo. I like not getting memos.'

"Oh, I won't be late for the morning watch. I never oversleep."

"Since I hate small talk and I hate big talk, I guess I won't be talking."