Vitamin D Devotee Gifts

"I'm stocking up on orange juice because I can't afford a Florida vacation."

"Winter is coming, and there will be months without much sunshine, so it's important that you take your vitamin D supplement Darling..."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'Bigley, you're over-training!'

'As soon as I get a small tattoo, I'm going to take up yoga.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

"Great news! Jim at work's promised to lend me all his World Cup DVDs"

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

"Blowing the whistle is perfect for a sports bar to let its patrons know that Happy Hour is over."

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

I've been told I can order a small mocha. Told? Because of my heart rate and activity level over the past seven days, I've been allotted a daily limit of 1,426 calories. I'm told that's just enough to include one small mocha. Hold on … there's vibrating ... Hold on ... hold on ... buffering ... Bing! Fitness overlords says I'm one calorie away from a medium mocha. It says yelling burns one calorie. I've got to get that app.

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

'Apparently, you've purchased another piece of exercise equipment. I think it's time I organised an intervention.'

Snowman with big carrot nose to one with small carrot nose: 'I'd increase your beta carotene.'

What did you think happens to all those vitamins that roll beneath the fridge?

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

Obesity Report

'When does the fridge go on a diet?'

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

"I'm right off my quinoa doc."