Visual Joke Appreciator Pillows

Pants-Nez

Shampoo.

Hermit Crabapple Tree

Cat with Nine Still Lives

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

Laughing Zone Ahead

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"...you mean this is the end of the 3 bandidoes?"

"Have you had a stressful experience lately, such as an accident?"

'I'm counter - intelligence'

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

Medicine bottle - If symptoms persist, die!

OMG.

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

Mediterranean Martini

'I'd probably do a lot better if the teachers weren't set to 'auto-correct.''

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

"He's been like that ever since he stopped eating the stuff and began smoking it."

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

"Smart Arse"

Shortly Thereafter, They Would Make Sweeping Changes To Their Policies.

Smart 3 Piece Suite.

"How embarrassing, I'm literally glued to the television."