Visionary Aficionado Gifts

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

You're my Mona Lisa.

Copycats

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Paul Klee

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Cariactures

"She's been so creative lately."

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

Television Readers.

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

(Camel paintings)

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

German Expressionist Breakfast

"Mr. Right!"

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

Desert Island BBQ

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

Horti-Culture

Distractions Of The Great

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

Baroque Peacock

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'

Great works I plan to complete during the lockdown.

"You're my Mona Lisa."

Spring Training

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."