Vision Vakker Pillows

Opticians - "The business recovery plan from our accountants - make the sign bigger."

What else is there to wish for?

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

Tiny Visions

He's slow and can't see out of one eye, but watch out for his left hook.

Hospital Departments

'Have you tried removing the blindfold?'

'When are you going to admit you need glasses?'

NHS/Private Eye Care.

'It's Blurred.'

'They suit you.'

'Barry I think it's time you had your eyes checked!'

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

I think I need new glasses. I swear I just saw a tiny man jump off your bridge.

"May I borrow your glasses so I can find my glasses?"

"I think I need an eye check: I almost got fooled by a lure yesterday..."

'Crikey, you've got to have good eye-sight to look through those glasses, haven't you?'

'Having trouble getting used to your new bi-focals'

'You say you're having trouble seeing the future.'

The optician's arrival ended Phil's short sightedness and his 15 year island exile.

'I had laser eye surgery and I still can't find the remote.'

'Nicely done. You may have double-vision, but it's 20-20, 20-20.'

"With the new year approaching, I was hoping you could help with my resolution...."

"Ok, now can you read this text from my ex-wife? Because I'm scared to."

'Man, when was the last time you had your eyes tested?'

"Is this speech pie-in-the-sky nonsense or aspirational?"

'The spots are much clearer.'

"Nothing wrong with your eyesight sir: must have been a mirage you saw..."

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

Cat Eye-Exam

'You better believe I'm getting a second opinion...CATaracts, my eye!'

'I-need-bifocal-itis.'

"I just got a new high-def television, but I can't enjoy it because I have low-def eyesight."

'My eyesight was getting worse, but thanks to my new glasses, I can play 'Monkey see, Monkey do' again...'

Dr. BR Smith Optician.