Vision Vakker Pillows

Opticians - "The business recovery plan from our accountants - make the sign bigger."

What else is there to wish for?

Tiny Visions

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

Hospital Departments

'Have you tried removing the blindfold?'

'When are you going to admit you need glasses?'

NHS/Private Eye Care.

'It's Blurred.'

'Barry I think it's time you had your eyes checked!'

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

'Crikey, you've got to have good eye-sight to look through those glasses, haven't you?'

"May I borrow your glasses so I can find my glasses?"

"I think I need an eye check: I almost got fooled by a lure yesterday..."

'Having trouble getting used to your new bi-focals'

The optician's arrival ended Phil's short sightedness and his 15 year island exile.

'You say you're having trouble seeing the future.'

'I had laser eye surgery and I still can't find the remote.'

"With the new year approaching, I was hoping you could help with my resolution...."

'Nicely done. You may have double-vision, but it's 20-20, 20-20.'

"Nothing wrong with your eyesight sir: must have been a mirage you saw..."

'Man, when was the last time you had your eyes tested?'

"Ok, now can you read this text from my ex-wife? Because I'm scared to."

"Is this speech pie-in-the-sky nonsense or aspirational?"

'The spots are much clearer.'

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

Cat Eye-Exam

"I just got a new high-def television, but I can't enjoy it because I have low-def eyesight."

'I-need-bifocal-itis.'

'Everyone keeps telling me I need my eyes checked, so here I am!'

"I'm here for an examination, my ditzy missus thinks I may need glasses."