Virtue Signaler Pillows

"Well, if it's just one wish, I wish to be recognized for my moral high ground."

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

"When Stan's barbecuing nothings ever 'well done'."

Musical Pipe

"On the one hand, we'll burn in hell; on the other, that's a lot of money."

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

"I've been trying to apply that 'forgive and forget' principle..."

When psychiatrists do self analysis.

A signaller directing pallbearers

Pride - from The Seven Deadly Sins.

'No kidding? I didn't realize 80 is the new 20!'

"Now dear...remember the sermon on PATIENCE..."

"We've come here to smoke."

'I think I've got it.'

"He said he's doing all he can to help me, but he can't make me any younger. But I have no interest in getting younger! I just don't want to keep getting older."

Applying skills in teaching special needs students to dealing with colleagues.

"Well, sure I'd like to instill the values of hard work and discipline, but that takes hard work and discipline."

"I assume that's a 'not guilty' plea?"

New Year's Resolution - stop smoking.

"That's affirmative. It smells delicious. Over."

'I've led an exemplary life! - when will you let me in?'

'No way you're ever going to comply with all of THAT!'

'Don't pay the doctor...'

Latter-day saints

'I'll be back later, Marge. I'm going out to build some humility.'

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

'I prefer these imported cigarettes - they don't have a health warning.'

'Another bullseye! What do you think of black poweder guns now, Ben?'

'Let's start by determining the type of person you are. Are you upfront, or do you give off subtle signals?'

"Yeah yeah, 'monkey see, monkey do', but your mum is right: do as I say, not as I do!"

"Proud parent of an honor student? Eh, whatever. Parent of an honorable student? Now that would be impressive."

'Harlow, perhaps you should go back to SMOKING!'