Viral Humorist Gifts

'Catch this!'

"Rising or setting?"

"You tested positive. But it looks like you're just a carrier."

"You have a 24-hour virus - of course, you'll be dead by then."

"Meet me by the horses. I got this one."

He used to be that virus that was going around, but now he's just that virus that's sitting around.

"I think we've got another novel virus here."

The Germ and the Sperm

"People were confused by how we named the new variants so we're just calling this one the 'really scary new bastard'!"

"I'm afraid you've got Sea Monkey pox."

Passover Plague

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

"Did you get my tweet?"

"OMG, LOL!"

Man runs into Bigfoot taking a selfie.

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"Will follow you on social media for food."

Comicron

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

'My dog ate my computer.'

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

"She looks just like in your photos."

Standard Life Aberdeen Rebrand

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."

The Smartass Phone

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

Advertising on the internet.

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"