Vip Seeker Gifts

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

How am I supposed to convince people to join our new loyalty rewards program for $9.95 a month? The program doesn't offer any actual rewards. The key to these programs is they make people feel special. Watch. Would you like to join our exclusive VIP Premier Exclusive Best Customer Reward Program? Or would you rather feel left out and scorned as a loser? Impossible dilemma.

'The perks are terrific. We have a VIP-lounge for investment bankers.'

Reserved space is reserved for a dinner table.

"My spokesperson won't speak to me."

"Wow, an African Blackwood cat-flap and a red carpet! They must really love you!"

Carpet

"He likes to make clients feel important..."

"Oh, Freddy! I just knew it would be like this!"

Football Royalty

Airplane

'...and the Brewery are considering giving you a loyaly card!'

Heaven Has VIP

Pearly Gates Queue

"Who'd believe our luck?"

Having Fame and Fortune thrust upon him, Gordy is forced to advertise for an entourage.

"Usually we wouldn't let you in the sanctuary dressed in robe and sandals, but seeing as you are Jesus we will make an exception..."

Celebrity Gold

Entourage to a lesser dignitary.

'If you would like to check out the electricity meter it's in that cupboard over there with the mops and hoover.'

Man rolls out the red carpet for Santa Claus.

'Yeah, we're in Napa Valley.'

The day Elton arrived, the rolled out the red carpet. But not for him.

Limousine Replacement Service

"On the upside, you're only one heart attack away from reaching our platinum V.I.P. status."

The Great and the Good.

The Royal Enclosure

Rolling out the red carpet.

Red carpet treatment

'Dunno who he is, but he's got some influence here...'

"I thought I hear a motorcade."

Woman with unfinished red carpet as VIP begins to walk down it

'Quick, roll up the red carpet!'

King is unable to go to the toilet without a red carpet.

'He's in Who's Who.'