Vip Lover Gifts

King is unable to go to the toilet without a red carpet.

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

"My spokesperson won't speak to me."

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

"Wow, an African Blackwood cat-flap and a red carpet! They must really love you!"

Poet Joyce Kilmer is struck with inspiration for his poem "trees".

'You're an interesting combination of shallow and thick.'

Carpet

"There's something you should consider before you begin—my hair works hard and it plays hard."

"He likes to make clients feel important..."

"One more thing...don't upset the bouncer!"

"Oh, Freddy! I just knew it would be like this!"

'This is Photoshop. It's like the beauty salon of the Internet.'

Football Royalty

Heaven Has VIP

Pearly Gates Queue

Pre-selfie, Selfie, Post-selfie.

"Excuse me...which one would make me look nice on Instagram?"

Having Fame and Fortune thrust upon him, Gordy is forced to advertise for an entourage.

'Oh, don't fuss over little old me!'

"Usually we wouldn't let you in the sanctuary dressed in robe and sandals, but seeing as you are Jesus we will make an exception..."

Celebrity Gold

'If you would like to check out the electricity meter it's in that cupboard over there with the mops and hoover.'

Snail Red Carpet

Cut out and keep your own Bouncer.

Entourage to a lesser dignitary.

Surf fan.

"No need to bust a gut, sir, this is a celebrity gym. . . I'll get someone to come over and touch those toes for you."

Man rolls out the red carpet for Santa Claus.

"Must be a really good deep trance night."

How am I supposed to convince people to join our new loyalty rewards program for $9.95 a month? The program doesn't offer any actual rewards. The key to these programs is they make people feel special. Watch. Would you like to join our exclusive VIP Premier Exclusive Best Customer Reward Program? Or would you rather feel left out and scorned as a loser? Impossible dilemma.

Limousine Replacement Service

"On the upside, you're only one heart attack away from reaching our platinum V.I.P. status."

'The perks are terrific. We have a VIP-lounge for investment bankers.'

The Great and the Good.