Vintage War Tale Teller T-Shirts

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

"I guess I was a good shot, because I took down 50 Nazis...all by myself. That's how I got my silver star. Honestly, I don't consider myself a hero. I consider myself lucky."

'My 'What I Did Over The Weekend' report is about my hunting a 17,000 pound moose, deep inside Canada.Some or all of this report has been fictionalized for dramatic purposes.'

"Listen, pal, I’m not seeing a ‘giant squirrel eating a rib-eye steak.’"

Horror Stories.

Columbus Discovers that when Exploring, It's Not Such A Great idea to Bring The Family Along.

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

Thank you to those who never came home and to those who never left their side.

Early accounting scandals.

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

'It was this big. I swear'

Harry Chauvel & T. E. Lawrence

"Did you call for a Medic?"

'At least, Men point cameras at you these days: In my day, they pointed guns!'

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

'Do you honestly expect me to believe that fairy tale?

'Oh, just my old war injury acting up.'

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

"Henry took a shower yesterday right next to Winthrop Rockefeller."

'I've been knocking for ages!'

"My dad was a prize-winning bull too: According to Mum, he won a raffle once at the local fair..."

I swear, we rode right through the town and my mistress Lady Godiva wasn't wearing a thing...

"Most of the time, war...it makes no sense. A lot of times, we'd hear artillery whistling over our heads. But really, you can't move. You just wait...and wait...until it hits...and hope it isn't hitting you."

'It started off as stories I told my wife.'

'They want the medals back. Apparently, you used a Vicks inhaler before going over the top in 1916.'

The giraffe-tamer.

The origin of 'Rorke's drift' has long been a subject of intense speculation.

If you think you have caught a record fish...make sure you have a witness...

"You consistently lied about the size of the fish you caught. Well....we've all done that."

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'