Vintage Toys T-Shirts

'I think it's nice for kids to have wooden toys.'

"Hi kid. I'm gonna be your favorite toy ever! In 40 years, you'll shell out 2,500 bucks for a near-mint version of me to help you forget that you're a fat, balding, 50 year old loser."

"Show me how to use this dang iPad machine again, boy..."

Something above the common

A Child's First Lesson in Gambling: 25 cents in the machine is just as likely to get a toy uzi as a peace medallion.

"How do you plug this in?"

"This doll doesn't do anything. . . is it dead?"

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

Rocking Horse

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

"There's more inside."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

Pre-Television Man Caves

A 1920's film director with hand-cranked camera and megaphone.

Inaction Figure

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

"There's lots of things in my life I absolutely needed to put in, and now there's lots of things in my life I absolutely need to get out."

'Who are you kidding? This is a wind-up isn't it!'

"Der, dad. . . it's wireless!"

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

'Yes, our phones have WIRES attached to them! We're no free-range blabbermouths in this household!'

"Haven't you a small one that would fit into a soldier's pack?"

Classic Halftime Shows (Super Bowl III)

'I'm worried about that dog's hearing,Doris.'

"My, it feels good to sit down."

"Did you hear? It turns out old power cords are really valuable! Good things Dad kept them!"

"I just don't know what we'd have done without our subscription these past 25 years."

'It's called a 'hat' -- you tip it to women instead of hitting them over the head with a club.'

"I hate to sound like a sergeant, Ralph, but it's ten minutes to six."

"I wonder what this was for."

Pre-Bay

Jack-in-a-box popping out of a computer monitor.

Dog stares into gramophone player. Young kid says: 'I'm guessing it's some kind of dog-food dispenser.'

'I could only afford a Yo.'

Mangle