Vintage Comedy Critic Pillows

"Just two confessions. I sometimes harbored admiration for Richard Nixon, and I never found the Marx Brothers funny."

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

Two men toting a dog in a carriage by foot, while the dog sticks his head out the window.

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Moscow 1917

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

"It's overdosed on Parakeetamol."

Mr. Toots becomes particular - Diogenes also

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

"Ooops is a bit of an understatement, don't you think Cardigan?"

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

A man selling a horse to an older lady

'I'll wait for Harold one more year. He hasn't crossed the finish line yet from the 1932 Olympic's marathon.'

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

The Enemy

"I hate to sound like a sergeant, Ralph, but it's ten minutes to six."

"Cassius Clay....Muhammad Ali....was one name his chatroom nickname or user name?"

'The crepes of wrath.' 'Joad's mobile pancake store.'

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

'We've been trying to ease out Old Stoney as Payroll Coordinator.'

"Typical! - The Frobishers' have fire and the wheel..."

Gunswinger

1874: Custer's Last Stand-Up