Vintage Comedian Pillows

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

'Ha! Ha! The Wooin' O't!'

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

"Of course, I'm perfectly willing to pay my income tax, but I stayed home all day on the fifteenth, and nobody came."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

Stone Age women were less happy than men at the arrival of the iron age: Look what I've invented just for you darling.

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

"Don't make me turn this covered wagon around!"

"It's overdosed on Parakeetamol."

Mr. Toots becomes particular - Diogenes also

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

'The crepes of wrath.' 'Joad's mobile pancake store.'

"He's got a man cave, a work cave, and a cave cave."

"Cassius Clay....Muhammad Ali....was one name his chatroom nickname or user name?"

A man selling a horse to an older lady

"My, it feels good to sit down."

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

"I hate to sound like a sergeant, Ralph, but it's ten minutes to six."

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

'We've been trying to ease out Old Stoney as Payroll Coordinator.'

We are downsizing due to the merger of our hunting and gathering divisions.

Gunswinger

'I don't think Charlie will ever get used to these auto-mobiles.'

'Morcambe and Wise.'