Verification Enthusiast Gifts

'I believe the saying is 'trust but verify,' not 'trust, but what would mother do'.'

"I only married him for his blue tick."

"It's such a lovely day!"

'Where was the TSA?'

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"It's just one monkey at one typewriter, but we've given him an infinite need for validation."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"Shankar, I needed someone to dot the 'I's' and cross the 'T's' but that was before there was ChatGPT."

"Basically it makes the same mistakes we've always made - but it makes tham so much faster!"

'I can't read their smoke signal. It's encrypted.'

Meet the new factory manager.

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

CCTV in church.

Really? You're hiring me back to replace the robot you just replaced me with? I've had a change of heart, minion. It may be cheaper to automate my café. But it dawned on me that robots don't buy very many drinks. Plus, as much as I try to let the bottom line guide me, I am, deep down, a very compassionate man. I couldn't bear the thought of you being poor and miserable. Maybe he's not such a bad man. Plus, one accidental incineration of a customer and the authorities get all weird about it.

"Greed, wrath, envy and pride closed higher. Lust, sloth and gluttony showed losses."

The Ayatollah Bomb?

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

'Now that we're completely automated, there's no one to yell at.'

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

Automation of Security

"That's Eleanor. She's a fact checker."

"Who's the new guy?"

"The boss loves the positive feedback he gets every time he says something."

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

"We're a totaly automated facility, except for Frank. He plugs everything in each morning."

The ultimate Secret Service demotion. We're sending you to guard Mount Rushmore.

'Don't worry -- the security camera is for your own protection.'

'He's Barack Obama? I thought you said 'he brought a bomb on!''

'Principal McWit, a student without an appointment is here and says he's holding your computer access codes for ransom.'

I'm ego surfing right now, looking up my name on different search engines.

"Ed always wears a poker face. His specialty is password encryption at the NSA."