Verbal Play Aficionado Pillows

'At the Spoonerism cafe...' 'Ah - here comes my carrots and peas.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

Punt Cake

'Hello, Acme signs? This is the Berger & Coles Law Office...'

"The best part is that we got hell to pay for it."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"Nuts to you, too."

AA Meeting Here Today

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

The americanisation of vulture.

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

"Privates Beach"

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

New Flavors at Where's the Scoop Ice Cream

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"Didn't you just say that?"

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"I stand corrected."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

"You have word-ill."

'I said 'barium,' not 'bury him'!'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'Don't worry. I'm not charging you for the extra lettering.'

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

'Frankincense, dummy! I asked for frankincense!'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

Punkins

Two vending machines for fisherman: 'Live Bait' next to 'Dead as a Doornail Bait'

'I think I've scored.'

Laxatives - "I'm after some comic relief."