Ventriloquism Aficionado T-Shirts

'When I said 'cough' I meant you, not him!'

Learn from your mistakes...this is the last time I let you talk me into a double date.

'We're making progress. Your lips hardly moved at all that time.'

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

Stephen Spender.

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

Gunter Grass

Noel Coward.

My Literary Influences

Frontispiece to 'Dombey and Son'

Sherlock Holmes Museum: No Hounds.

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

Ironing Punctuation

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

'Excellent job, Fenwick, especially the part where you employ Magic Realism to fudge third-quarter earnings!'

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

'I don't know whether to put it in for the Turner Prize or go for the Poet Laureate.'

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'

"Well, the falcon cannot hear the falconer, but the rough beast found a piece of string so I don't know where that leaves us."

"You have to pick the places you don't walk away from."—Joan Didion, Penny, Joan Didion.

Library

A vicar is reading 'The Great Begatsby' written by Abraham.

Quentin Tarantino

Boardroom sacrifice - 'Then we agree - the shareholders don't have to know what transpired here today.'

Corporate Darwinism

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

"You'll regret saying that, I'll get my own back in tomorrow's performance - you'll never work again!"

Lord Byron

A cow ventriloquist.

Samuel Beckett

Ventriloquist Grave