Ventriloquism Aficionado T-Shirts

'When I said 'cough' I meant you, not him!'

Learn from your mistakes...this is the last time I let you talk me into a double date.

'We're making progress. Your lips hardly moved at all that time.'

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

My Literary Influences

Frontispiece to 'Dombey and Son'

Ironing Punctuation

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

'Excellent job, Fenwick, especially the part where you employ Magic Realism to fudge third-quarter earnings!'

A vicar is reading 'The Great Begatsby' written by Abraham.

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

"You have to pick the places you don't walk away from."—Joan Didion, Penny, Joan Didion.

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'

"Well, the falcon cannot hear the falconer, but the rough beast found a piece of string so I don't know where that leaves us."

'I don't know whether to put it in for the Turner Prize or go for the Poet Laureate.'

Library

Boardroom sacrifice - 'Then we agree - the shareholders don't have to know what transpired here today.'

Corporate Darwinism

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

Ventriloquist Grave

A cow ventriloquist.

"I'm not really into organized religion, though I am very spiritual."

"Don Wood? I don't know any Don Wood!"

"You'll regret saying that, I'll get my own back in tomorrow's performance - you'll never work again!"

Lord Byron

Chuck didn't care what his therapist said; that is not where he left his dummy.