Velvet Art Appreciator Gifts

"And now, moving along to our right, we have Hilda Schumacher, of Zelton Falls, Pennsylvania. Ms. Schumacher has been painting clowns on velvet for over fifteen years, and we find her work a fine example of this genre."

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Modern Major General

Misunderstood artist

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

"Now this I get."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

Juggler and Illusionist

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

Scarpia's Palace

Man blending in to his chair is reading Optical Illusion Monthly magazine.

'It doesn't do anything, it's just a very pleasing shape!'

Artist on the Beach

Two monks play tic-tac-toe with calligraphy-style 'x's and 'o's.

Before Dogs Knew How To Play Poker,

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

Leaves falling out of a painting.

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"Good, clean art from the Molly Murphy Collection"

Suffrage - Franchise for Females

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

'Magnolia, Michaelangelo, the ceiling was meant to be magnolia!'

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

Ariana Grande caricature

She did only twenty-eight of the thirty-two fouetts in the Black Swan pas de deux . . . or are my eyes deceiving me?

The Famed Florsheim Illusion.

Coot on a jetty

Dolly Varden - 'The Laughing Dolly'