Velvet Art Appreciator Gifts

"And now, moving along to our right, we have Hilda Schumacher, of Zelton Falls, Pennsylvania. Ms. Schumacher has been painting clowns on velvet for over fifteen years, and we find her work a fine example of this genre."

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Modern Major General

Fertility goddess. Nanny goddess.

Misunderstood artist

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

"Now this I get."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

Would you make up your mind? I can't keep letting you in and out all day.

Man blending in to his chair is reading Optical Illusion Monthly magazine.

Juggler and Illusionist

Scarpia's Palace

'It doesn't do anything, it's just a very pleasing shape!'

Before Dogs Knew How To Play Poker,

Leaves falling out of a painting.

"Good, clean art from the Molly Murphy Collection"

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

Two monks play tic-tac-toe with calligraphy-style 'x's and 'o's.

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

Artist on the Beach

Suffrage - Franchise for Females

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

'Magnolia, Michaelangelo, the ceiling was meant to be magnolia!'

Ariana Grande caricature

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

The Famed Florsheim Illusion.

Coot on a jetty

She did only twenty-eight of the thirty-two fouetts in the Black Swan pas de deux . . . or are my eyes deceiving me?