Veggie Diplomat Pillows

'The vegetables are not your enemy.'

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'Please forgive me for anything I've said or left unsaid.'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

Who posted the hilarious pics of you with the goofy haircut? Not sure. Someone who wants to humiliate me. One of the usual cyber bullies. No. Meaner. Hmm

TV's hot new political show: Meet the Produce. From the left, a giant carrot. From the right, big broccoli. Let's be frank. The Republicans have no fiscal discipline. And the tax-and-spend liberals do? We're not ballooning the deficit! Waging war to promote freedom is not free! You stupid rotten vegetable! You're low in vitamin E! Cut to commercial.

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

"I'd better not eat any more broccoli. I'm saving room for spiritual food."

Landing That Tough Account

"Which one on table three has gone for the vegetarian option?"

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'You can't charm me out of this chair.'

'We'd like a quiet table for 47.'

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'

"You'll have one bite of everything!"

"Is this the table with a complaint?"

"Little girls are made from sugar and spice. . . not cabbage."

'What's intravenous feeding? My mom says if I don't eat my vegetables, she'd do that to me!'

Advantages of Growing Older

It's Darth Tater!

"There's U.N. Weapons Inspectors at the door. They need to see your meatloaf."

The great zucchinis

'Lettuce pray!'

'Thanks, Sis, but I think it's my turn to leave the stealth tip.'

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

'Ha! I knew they were just little trees!'

'Oh... you're gonna eat those peas, mister.'

"Is your dog going to rip our heads off … I mean, friendly?"

"Okay, the first rule of rolling in s***e club is no one talks about rolling in s***e club."

"It makes me feel sort of... guilty!"