Vegan Investor Gifts

Investments: Welcome Vegans! As about our '100% Plant-Based Commodities Fund.'

'The starred item in your investment portfolio mean 'suitable for vegans'.'

Investments: New - Starred Items In Your Portfolio Mean 'Suitable For Vegans'.

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

"States of tofu"

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"Is there a vegan option?"

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'Extinct? Good heavens no. I'm vegan for God's sake.'

And so, Rudy unwittingly became an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. At first, he was furious having lost his weekly paycheck. But then it dawned on him: He was back in the dot-com game – for the first time in 20 years. He was practically a venture capitalist! I'm a social media investor. It's a multi-platform play with, obviously, huge mobile capability, global reach, soaring audience share. Revenue model? What? Huh? Beat it.

Putting money back in to the world economy

'But he doesn't want to chase sticks - He likes to follow the stock market!'

The Economy Discovers FFF!

Climate Crisis and the Banks

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

'Oh, not much. Well, still dabbling a bit in commodities futures.'

'So much for the will! Now, before you start celebrating, I suggest you think about inheritance taxes, because, according to my calculations, you will be left with. . ."

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning a SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

'Your Starbucks, McDonald's, and Hershey Stocks all went down. That shows you should never buy on an empty stomach.'

"I'm thinking of switching to an all vegan diet...based on carrots...mainly carrots..."

"In view of climate change, I'd put all my money into ice cream, mineral water and weapons!"

I guess I outta take science classes if I'm really going to help the environment. What for? You want to be a famous actress

"There are no animal products in our dishes, but since the meals are prepared by animals, you may find some stray hairs."

'Not a shed, just a shop.'

Another Cultured Meat Experiment Ends in Failure.

'I'm doing my bit got the planet by investing in biofuels. . . Mind you, the fact that they'll have to strip-mine South America for crop space may well put a few noses out of joint.'

Money feeds tree of property

'That IS the chef's surprise, sir -- the pork chops are really tofu.'

'Personally I wouldn't be seen dead in it.'

"Can we be seated under a vegan painting?"