Vegan Investor Pillows

Investments: Welcome Vegans! As about our '100% Plant-Based Commodities Fund.'

'The starred item in your investment portfolio mean 'suitable for vegans'.'

Investments: New - Starred Items In Your Portfolio Mean 'Suitable For Vegans'.

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

"States of tofu"

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"Is there a vegan option?"

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'Extinct? Good heavens no. I'm vegan for God's sake.'

'But he doesn't want to chase sticks - He likes to follow the stock market!'

Putting money back in to the world economy

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

The Economy Discovers FFF!

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

Climate Crisis and the Banks

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

'Oh, not much. Well, still dabbling a bit in commodities futures.'

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

'So much for the will! Now, before you start celebrating, I suggest you think about inheritance taxes, because, according to my calculations, you will be left with. . ."

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning a SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

"I'm thinking of switching to an all vegan diet...based on carrots...mainly carrots..."

"In view of climate change, I'd put all my money into ice cream, mineral water and weapons!"

"There are no animal products in our dishes, but since the meals are prepared by animals, you may find some stray hairs."

'Not a shed, just a shop.'

Another Cultured Meat Experiment Ends in Failure.

"Can we be seated under a vegan painting?"

'Personally I wouldn't be seen dead in it.'

'I'm doing my bit got the planet by investing in biofuels. . . Mind you, the fact that they'll have to strip-mine South America for crop space may well put a few noses out of joint.'

Money feeds tree of property

'That IS the chef's surprise, sir -- the pork chops are really tofu.'

Vegan Insomnia

"I'm looling for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."

Woolly tofu.