Varsity Hopeful Pillows

No big deal, but coach is posting who made varsity today. Yawn! I can wait. Sports. Tap!

"When I grow up, I want to become president and eventually the subject of a groundbreaking, critically-acclaimed Broadway musical."

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

Table tennis.

'Since the playing field was sold off we've become a centre of excellence for one-a-side football.'

'I couldn't practice last night on account of my Dad's head was gonna' explode.'

Emily knew she wanted to be a veterinarian before she was two years old.

“I’ve always wanted to learn to swim, but it’s never been more than thirty minutes since my last meal.”

The bane of every college applicant: the admissions essay.

I'm freaking out! Thursday is dress rehearsal. Nerves? Work! I've got a math and history test on Friday. Why did I ever sign up for the spring musical? Because it's fun? West Fester High School. On my college application it'll look like I had fun. It'll go with your "Looks aren't important" essay.

Beginning of the school year

'I think I see why you're progressing slowly in music.'

"Gracie, I'll never reveal my secret to being the smartest girl in the third grade."

'I'm sorry but we don't have athletic scholarships for video games.'

Where's The Prize?

"Someday, I'm gonna be valedictorian of my graduating class. Don't you want to be at the top of your class, Baldo?"

"Accidentally flying onstage does not count as 'doing Shakespeare in the Park.' "

"It's all set. We both have enough credits to go to college."

'I told my teacher I won't be returning to school...'

"That's Ruffles, our I.Q.-sniffing dog."

"I figure participation marks are my only hope for a good grade in this class."

'I'll level with you...You're sick as a dog.'

"While we certainly congratulate you on your acceptance to the University of Hawaii, Sandra..."

"I'm experiencing student burnout."

"Would a beard make me look more academic?"

I can't read, Jackass!

"Look dude, if you like a girl...you gotta move fast!"

"O.K., but this time with a little less feeling."

'I'm going to try to be a pro hockey player. So, if I don't return, you'll know I made it, and you can take charge of the marketing department.'

"...and the shepherd boy never got into any of the really good schools."

There comes a point when you may have to admit the truth: you stink.

Banked on a college degree without an NBA career to fall back on.

"He said his first word, 'Harvard'."