Vanity Inspector Gifts

The virtual vanity mirror.

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

"Hair spray"

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Vanity artist

"And that's me as a shepherdess!"

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

TV-Mirror.

Man brushing the teeth of his reflection.

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

'Seth, please bring me a copy of every search engine article that mentions my name in a favorable light. I need an ego boost.'

"You're so vein."

The Paper Silhouette Editor

'Ben believes looking suave is the most important part of fly fishing.'

'I'm walking across the nation to raise awareness of my fabulous legs.'

'I know this is a spit and sawdust place, but why is it in the beer?'

'What would you say about me having my spots enlarged?'

Narcissus