Vanity Critic Gifts

Man in bathroom surprised by his rude reflection in the mirror.

All is vanity

'I don't like to go fishing because I don't like to lie.'

'We just need a quote.'

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Man admiring his patterned clothes in the mirror

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

"Hair spray"

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

TV-Mirror.

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

'Mommy puts on a disguise every time, before she goes to work.'

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

The caricature of Dorian Gray

"The selfie of Dorian Gray"

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

'I know how you feel.'

"There's something you should consider before you begin—my hair works hard and it plays hard."

Extreme Vanity Press - Fall, 2007

'Seth, please bring me a copy of every search engine article that mentions my name in a favorable light. I need an ego boost.'

'Ben believes looking suave is the most important part of fly fishing.'

Bill Jones - Bill Jones w/out makeup

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'