Vanity Humorist Gifts

'You've come for a facelift, I presume?'

'You'll find that when you're seen on a million-volt electron microscope, you really want to look your best.'

"You're not fooling anyone trying to cover up your age."

INSTANT GREY HAIR TREATMENT.

Surfer Blowing Back His Hair.

'Officer, this man is annoying me. . .In the last hour he hasn't once looked at me.'

Narcissus enjoying cover of magazine.

'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's is the fairest arse of all?'

Autobiographer holds up a mirror to his face.

Message in a Bottle: 'If your reading this my hair do is already ruined.'

"Does my brain look big in this?"

"This is a Soul Card. We deduct a small monthly fee, and you get your looks back as long as there is a positive balance."

"Narcissus! That's a pretty name."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

"This stool shall pass."

'Mongrel' 'Bitch's' - His and Hers towels for Dogs.

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

His & hers towels.

Business man sees himself as a shark

The only Washroom on the South Pole.

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

Don't Waste A Moment! Put Down That Magazine And Get Fit While You Sit!

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

"Recycled, Wayne, we'd prefer 'recycled'."

Batman tissue dispenser.

"Hurry up Dad, I need the loo!"

Magic Act

Monkey Pee/Monkey Poo.

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

"Yeah, hello travel agent, Danger Noodle needth getaway."

The Rural Bidet...

'Feeeeeeeeed me, Seymooooooooor.'