Vanity Fair Lovers Pillows

"She's had so much work done that she's starting to look like her mother."

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Face painting by numbers.

Man admiring his patterned clothes in the mirror

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

'Mommy puts on a disguise every time, before she goes to work.'

TV-Mirror.

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

"The selfie of Dorian Gray"

'Believe me, sweetie, if I thought the 'Wrinkle Out' setting on the clothes dryer would work...'

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

Medieval Page Boy

'I know how you feel.'

"There's something you should consider before you begin—my hair works hard and it plays hard."

Extreme Vanity Press - Fall, 2007

The Paper Silhouette Editor

Stars Without Make-Up.

Tanning Machine on the beach

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'

'What would you say about me having my spots enlarged?'

'Ben believes looking suave is the most important part of fly fishing.'

"You're so vein."

Bill Jones - Bill Jones w/out makeup