Vampires Pillows

'Daylight Savings Time claims another victim.'

'No! This isn't the place to order a blood transfusion!'

'Oh no, not another blood sample.'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'My doctor's put me on a strict diet. From now on I have to ask my victims how high their cholesterol is.'

"The meal was delicious. My compliments to the Haematologist"

"Peanuts, lactose and gluten are fine. I'm checking for garlic."

'No wonder I've had an identity crisis...I've never seen my own reflection...I just naturally assumed I was the invisible man.'

Vampire eating a 'Clot Noodle'.

"B negative, and make it a double."

Vampire brushing his teeth in his bathroom.

"Junior. Drink your blood before it clots"

"Oh waiter! Will you pass me the anticoagulant please?"

Blood transfusion service recruitment - "So you can only work nights!"

'I'd better warn you - I've got high cholesterol!'

'Halloween is just around the corner, kids. Have you decided what are you going to wear?'

'... And this is my cellar.'

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."

A vampire's pet peeves.

'I can only teach night classes.'

Vampire feeding her baby with a hospital blood drip

'He's out all night and sleeps all day.'

"Did you put garlic in the pasta?"

'I told you not to order the stake.'

'As a matter of fact I am an artist, but I only draw blood'

Blood Desert

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

'Who ordered the steak with garlic sauce...?'

'You have a lovely neck, Miss Jones. I'm going to prescribe some anticoagulant fot it.'

The Snowpire

'It won't work, I'm Jewish!'

'A vampire bat! No kidding!'

'This is a stick up!'

"I'm not much of an early riser."

'Dracula's First Day of School.'