Vampire Humorist Mugs

'I agree O-positive is rather nice, but my favourite by far is AB-negative...'

"First we find the bedbugs, Ma'am, then we drive tiny stakes through their wee black hearts."

Zombie standup

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

Surfer Blowing Back His Hair.

"Yeah, I'm moonlighting. It's a living."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

Dracula acquires a taste for maple syrup.

Comicron

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

'Transylvania's most famous Optometrist 'Count Mracula'.'

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

German School

"Johnson, you're new here, right? Mind if I pick your brain?"

INSTANT GREY HAIR TREATMENT.

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

Fancy a pint?