Vampire Fan Pillows

"Peanuts, lactose and gluten are fine. I'm checking for garlic."

Discussing golf swings, around the blood cooler.

Halloween Bummer: Your Mom makes you wear a sweater over your costume.

"...let me guess - two rump steaks, very rare and two bloody marys..."

'Let me guess, you're going as a vampire again this year?' 'Let me guess, you're a punk rocker again this year?'

Cape costume

"Well, Count, they look good for another five-hundred years."

'Your test results have come in and, as we feared, you're dead.'

Dracula reading fang shui.

'We've got you, thanks to this cross that Bobby just drew.'

Doglike man to vampire: 'Call me an apprentice werewolf, or even a beginner werewolf, but don't call me an under werewolf!'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

'Mom, I think we may have a vampire in the house. Somebody bit the head off my chocolate bunny!'

Job Interview with the Vampire.

"I don't like foreign food myself: I only suck the blood of native animals..."

"Never think outside the box!"

Halloweek: Eating candy seven days straight.

Dracula finds himself in an awkward moment.

"800 years old?!! - Gosh... you must be feeling very 'long-in-the tooth."

"Close. But, you're thinking of a vampire."

"Phew! - You've got bat breath."

Salem Used Car LOT

Dr. Acula

"One, one Milky Way! Two, two Milky Ways! Three, three Milky Ways! Four Milky Ways! Ah ah ah!!!!!"

"It's dead."

"Oh, it's just what they call it. I'm sure you can do it at night, too."

A vampire sprinkles salt on a maiden's neck.

'Another Scotch?'

"I thought you were trying to go carb-free?"

Vampire Humor

Trick or treaters run from Dracula's house

Hospital food

"I will try the soup of the night."

Dracula meets his match.

"It's suppose to be tomato juice! That's how you make a Bloody Mary!"