Valentine's Strategist Gifts

'You could give it to your mom with a huge Valentine card.'

'I sent out for everything.'

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

My Dream Valentine

It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother. Why's that? House of Java .Net Cybercafe. Because how a man treats his mother is a good indicator of how he'll treat a girlfriend. That's why I created an app that calls your phone and displays a photo of you hugging your mom whenever a gorgeous lady is within three feet of you. It also displays a nice, sweet lady whenever you're within three feet of your mom.

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

Colin could see that his competitor had obviously done his market research.

"Why won't you cuddle?"

The Plinth Wedding Planner Co.

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

'Thanks for inviting me round to watch tv. Where is it?'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

'It was so romantic. He got down on one knee, showed me the ring, and proposed--right after we exchanged credit reports.'

'It would never work, Tommy - you have all the growth funds and mine are all value...'

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

Dating the efficiency expert.

Mergers or acquisitions.

'And that, in a nutshell, is why men don't understand women.'

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

Single girl in wedding dress trying to catch a bachelor.

"I'm not trying to change you. That's the personal trainer I hired's job."

Marriage counselor, living together counselor or a just screwing around counselor.

'Never mind that you could have bought Microsoft years ago - I could have married Bill Gates,'

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

'I take playing footsie very seriously, Jane. You may have won the first two rounds, but let's make it three out of five.'

"But gosh, Ursula, together we'd be exactly what every major advertiser is trying to reach."

"We're making progress."

"No, I don't think our marriage would benefit from a mission statement."

'By proposing a merger instead of marriage, we can deduct this meal as a business expense.'

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

'You're in luck - My parents like you.'