Valentine's Irony Appreciator Pillows

"I'm full of self loathing. This year I didn't even send myself a Valentine's Day card!"

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

'Tomorrow we'll look back on this as a night to remember.'

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

Big business is not evil

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

Peace bomb.

"That's an early Vermeer, very early."

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

"Oh sure, it's easy to blame your husband, when he's not here to defend himself."

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

Perfection Troubleshootors.

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

'Someone come and mediate our argument about mediation!'

"I hope there's nothing genetically modified in this."

If found please return to mountain

Bureaucrat Walking his Pet

"George was only interested in mega-bytes, so I got him this rottweiler..."

The Boss of the Kleptomania Clinic has turned up for work only to discover his Clinic has been stolen