Valentine's Decorator T-Shirts

'Can't we have a valentine party without girls?'

Santa Claus's Mail

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Painting by the numbers for adults

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Painting the Ceiling

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

Shelter Cat Nap

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

"I love these old decorations!"

Potichomania (The art of decorating glass), as carried out by Master Tom in the Easter holidays.

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

Face Painting.

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

"I'm starting to think stripes."

"Except for that wall socket, the whole damn thing is a trompe-l'oeil."

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

'Quick, press control Z!'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

"Who should we have at eye level this month?"

'I wanted a change in decor.'

'I WANTED to paint the room a shade of green, but gave up somewhere between chartreuse and citrine.'

Redecorating Easter Island.

"Hon, do you think the accent wall was a mistake?"

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."