Used Car Salesman Gifts

'You sold the Mercedes-Benz to the guy who fixed our copier? For cash?'

'It was owned by a little old lady. Legally, that's all I can say. She still owns the intellectual property rights to her story.'

'Let's get one thing straight. I don't want your money, I want your respect.'

'I'd love to put you behind the wheel of this car. However, I doubt the bank will allow you to finance it for 30,000 months.'

"Twenty preprogrammed hand gestures allow you to signal everything from a simple lane change to homicidal rage."

"It was owned by a little old lady who only drove it ... no wait, that won't work."

'I can dream, can't I?'

'But isn't it nice to know you can go 2500 miles per hour in a pinch?'

'This model comes with F.S.H - P.S. - E.W. - C.C. - A.B.S and B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.'

"Don't mention lemons. Instead, say this vehicle was previously owned by a citrus farmer."

Car dealer's sign: If you kick the tires, you've bought it!

'This little baby has been restricted to 25 m.p.h. so it's ideal for holding up the traffic on a Sunday afternoon drive in the country.'

'Our company's bond rating was upgraded from 'junk' to grade 'b'. However, the car itself is still junk.'

"This cream puff was owned by a little old lady who only settled on Sundays."

'She's a nice little runner, only one previous owner.'

"Between the politicians and the news anchors our trust ratings must be going up."

'So people rank us lower than used car salesmen....surely there's a lot of things Americans hate more than congress?'

Car salesman to customer about tub-like car: 'This model washes itself.'

"Congressional Offices and Cheap Used Car Sales, how may I direct your call?"

"They say it tows smoother than any other car."

"... and, of course, optional child-safety locks for the kiddies."

"Mr. Bermudez, I'm insulted! At Big Bob's Auto Mart, we don't play silly games! We engage in strategic manipulation of numbers and options to perpetuate the illusion of customer satisfaction! The cheap dealer down the street who can't afford a fancy marke

"Baldo, I don't need advice on looking cool in a new car."

Affordable housing

"If you like beeping your horn, and want to be heard, then your search is over."

"You're not going to find anything in your price range that isn't full of bees."

Tarzan gets gypped.

'Camelot' Hakeem's used camel lot.

'This car is so you, soldier!!'

'The brakes are a bit dodgy, but the very loud horn compensates for that.'

"This year's model makes everything before it look like garbage." "I'm looking for a used car." "Last year's model is destined to become a classic!"

'Just before you go sir, Fred's bringing the service history.'

Joe's Auto Wrecker

'Hi, I'm looking for something small and portable!'

AL's quality used car salesmen (sign) (actual car salesmen on sale)