Usa Fan Gifts

John Kerry

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Fiscal cliff - US dollar falling over the edge.

Soldier armed with a pen.

101 uses of a dead cat: disguise.

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

It had been a while, but he had finally come home.

John F. Kennedy

'Filby, we've decided to accept your suggestion for air conditioning!'

"Dangnabit, Wilson! Where's that big campfire I asked for?"

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

'I don't know how I could've forgotten my lines. I was all ears when they gave them to me.'

'Now, you can SWASH, and you can BUCKLE, but you can't SWASHBUCKLE.'

Sports Fan - Whoever's Winning

"I'll cross any ocean to fight for our country! I'll travel to the gates of hell to defend our rights!"

'Give you liberty or give you death? That's easy for you to say. You have nine lives.'

"Sorry, Zak, since paintball aint bin invented yet, looks like you bin shot!"

Mr. Macho at the game... and after the game is over.

"I have to get something off my chest—I don't know the words to the second verse of 'The Star-Spangled Banner.'"

"Lady Liberty, I choose you...ooo...ooo...oooh!"

"Help! It's a sprawling epic!"

You're my Statue of Liberty

Horace Mann

'I was going to leak this to wikileaks. Then I thought, why not write a 'tell all' book instead?'

Squanto's less than famous older brother Squinto.

"Psst, Abe. Tom and I are relocating to Canada. You in?"

Cowboy in Old West boasts of having shot a guy for ending a sentence in a preposition.

"No taxation without representation!"

Mt. Rushmore Spinoffs.

A heat wave threatens an old woman.

'You're going to have to stay confined to the bunkhouse for a week.'